Top 4 Tricks to Make Halloween A Treat For Divorced or Separated Families

 Halloween may not be as meaningful as other seasonal holidays, but for divorced or separated parents and their children, feelings of “missing out” on fun times can be very challenging.

Whether Halloween for your family is usually filled with spooky traditions (boo!) or trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, no parent wants to miss out on their kids in cute costumes, or digging out a few of your favorite treats from your little one’s candy bag at the end of the night for yourself (It’s okay, we all do it!).

Parents can consider approaching Halloween without scares of fighting, “split-time” or alternating “every other year,” and make this year a treat for your children. But remember, it takes a commitment from both parents for these treats to work, and a promise that there will be no conflict or tension between parents around their kids during this special time.

Treat #1: Trick-or-Treat Together.  True—you may not be pulling the matching family costumes out of the closet—but still, children can benefit from seeing their parents come together to support them, even if it is just for one night of fun.  You can consider getting input from your children about the neighborhood they prefer to trick-or-treat, without asking them to choose. Once there is consensus, Mom and Dad can discuss and agree upon the place and time that the other parent will come by for shared parenting time during trick-or-treating. Ideally, you would tell the children together about your new Halloween plans and let them know that both of you are so excited to see them in their awesome costumes this year!

If trick-or-treating is not possible together at the same time, you can accomplish a similar goal of sharing the holiday by having Dad go out with the kids for an hour while Mom hands out candy, and then switch so that Mom goes with the kids while Dad hands out candy. It still shows parental cooperation, and this may also minimize any tension.

Remember, Halloween trick-or-treating is a brief, but memorable for your kids. As parents, you are capable of protecting this precious time by raising the level of cordiality, despite what may have been a rocky history. Let down your guard, keep it light, focus on your children and appreciate that years in costumes are numbered.  You can do it!

Treat #2: Other Halloween Events.  Trick-or-treating can be fun, but so can all the other spooky events going on around the Halloween season.  From haunted houses and hayrides or even school Halloween parties, there is something for everyone.  If being together for the holiday is just not possible, make it a point to celebrate in different ways with your children.  Maybe Mom goes trick-or-treating, but Dad gets to help at the school Halloween party.  That way, no one misses out on festivities. Here’s a healthy co-parenting Tip: Dad could reinforce Mom’s relationship with the children by letting them know how cool their costumes were by the photos that Mom sent him – and Mom can do the same by telling the kids how cool she think it is that Dad went to school and helped with the party. This positive reinforcement is the foundation of healthy co-parenting, and what kids need most emotionally and developmentally.

Treat #3: Make Halloween a Group Affair.  If the idea of trick or treating with your former spouse and children is simply too scary on Halloween, try relieving the pressure by making it a group event.  Make a plan with a group of other parents and children to go trick-or-treating all together and invite the other parent. This may reduce the awkwardness of not having others to socialize with, and your children will feel special to know they get to spend the holiday with not only both of their parents but also their friends.

Treat #4: Who Wants Even More Halloween? Candy for Everyone the Night Before!  Admittedly, not the healthiest approach from a nutritional standpoint, but if you and your spouse are not able to celebrate together, try alternating years where one parent has the children the night before Halloween and the other has time with them on Halloween night.  The night before Halloween can be just as fun! New traditions can be created. Maybe the night before you start a dress-up-and-go-to-the mall-tradition. Or a dress up and movie night. Maybe even a trick-or-treat the night before Halloween!

For many parents, some of these creative approaches to Halloween may be possible. These ideas may have also helped you think of your own fun ways to approach it too. And for others, these approaches may not be possible at all—just do the best you can given the circumstances.

In any event, be well, be safe, and Happy Halloween.

(Source: Mediate.com)

Why Do People Abuse?

Why Do People Abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship.

No matter why it happens, abuse is not okay and it’s never justified.

Abuse is a learned behavior. Sometimes people see it in their own families. Other times they learn it from friends or popular culture. However, abuse is a choice, and it’s not one that anyone has to make. Many people who experience or witness abuse growing up decide not to use those negative and hurtful ways of behaving in their own relationships. While outside forces such as drug or alcohol addiction can sometimes escalate abuse, it’s most important to recognize that these issues do not cause abuse.

Who Can Be in an Abusive Relationship?
Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. It happens regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race or economic background. If you are being abused by your partner, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. You might also blame yourself for what is happening. But, no matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions. Being abusive is a choice. It’s a strategic behavior the abusive person uses to create their desired power dynamic. Regardless of the circumstances of the relationship or the pasts of either partner, no one ever deserves to be abused.

(Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline)

If you believe that you are a victim of abuse and need immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. If you live in Harris or Galveston county and need help obtaining a protective order, divorce or any other family law help, you can get more information by calling The Palmer Law Firm at 832-819-3529.

The Duty to Protect Your Children

A parent has the right and the duty to protect his child and the child's future from harm. If you're involved in a custody dispute in Harris or Galveston County, Texas you must use the local family court system to assert this right and fulfill this obligation. A parent who becomes aware of dangerous behavior or damaging influences that threaten the children's physical safety or emotional well-being can ask the court to protect the children by removing them from the source of the immediate or potential danger. A court ordered award of sole custody or the severe restriction of visitation rights are the standard methods for ensuring children's safety. These actions may be taken if the court is shown clear and convincing evidence that the children are seriously endangered by parent’s lifestyle, or parents behavior, or the environment in which here it forces the child to live.

Documented cases of child abuse in any form meet the court systems serious endangerment standard. Physical, emotional, or sexual mistreatment of a child is child abuse.

"A parent who becomes aware of dangerous behavior or damaging influences ...can ask the court to protect the children by removing them from the source of the immediate or potential danger."

Physical abuse is any action that inflicts grave physical damage, even if the injury is temporary. Corporal punishment that causes bruising, bleeding, or burning is physical abuse. So is the denial of food, water, shelter, or medical treatment. Well the difference between acceptable physical discipline and physical abuse has never been defined in law, most courts and most parents know when the boundary between the two has been crossed.

Emotional abuse includes derogatory language and parental conduct calculated to destroy or seriously undermine a child's dignity and self-esteem. Constantly berating a child, humiliating a child in the presence of family, friends, or teachers, or isolating the child from the outside world for extended periods of time are examples of emotional abuse. Relentless insults or mockery are other forms of this destructive behavior.

The legal definition of sexual abuse encompasses virtually all actions involving a child intended to lead to the sexual gratification of either the child or a participating adult. While the most common forms of sexual abuse are outright sexual acts such as fondling, intercourse, oral copulation, this category of child abuse may also Include placing the child in sexually compromising positions, using the child to produce pornography, requiring the child to wear seductive clothing, and indulging in forms of physical discipline more commonly associated with adult sexuality than parental behavior. Whether the child consents to sexual activity or is forced to participate is irrelevant in determining if sexual mistreatment has occurred.

Neglect may also constitute serious endangerment courts have revoked custodial rights of parents who have left young children alone for hours or days parents whose primary meal planning function has been leaving paint chips within easy reach; Parents who fail to treat, or even notice, the serious physical or mental illnesses of a child ; And parents who have been unable or unwilling to provide a clean, warm room for their children to sleep in.

Elements of a custodial parent’s lifestyle may be judged dangerous, or potentially dangerous, to a child, even if the child is not directly involved in that lifestyle. And lifestyle that brings potentially harmful relationships into a child's life, for example can be considered to be dangerous enough to warrant removal of the child.

Source:  Father’s Rights by Jeffery M. Leving