Top Ten Ways To Be A Great Example To Your Children

Whether you are a parent contemplating a divorce, a parent involved in an ongoing custody dispute, or a parent struggling to be cope after a divorce, one thing remains unchanged- you are the parent of a child who, now more than ever, needs you to be a source of strength and stability.  
Parents are role models to their children at all times- even when you think your kids aren't looking (maybe even ESPECIALLY when you think they aren't looking!)  And if you involved in a Texas custody dispute, then there are many OTHERS who are also evaluating your ability to be a role model to your child or children.  Those who are carefully watching you can including your ex-spouse, his or her lawyer, attorney ad-litems, child protective services, grandparents, grandparents attorneys, custody evaluators, parent coordinators, mediators..and of course (and ultimately) the judge in your case.
The best way to appear to be the best parent you can be..is to ACTUALLY be the best parent you can be.  You need to be an excellent example to your children because they learn by example.  Aside from your legal case, you owe this to you children.

Here then are the top ten ways to be a great example to your children.

1. Live a Healthy Lifestyle

How can you say your are keeping your children healthy when your cupboards are filled with junk food and cookies, you watch T.V. for hours on end?  By eating properly and getting regular exercise, it not only sets and example for our children but gives you the energy to play with them and be involved with their busy schedule.  If you live a sedentary lifestyle, chances are your children will too.  Childhood obesity has become an epidemic in American society which can lead to depression and disease. Be a healthy example for your kids by living a healthy lifestyle.

2. Improve Yourself Constantly

There is always something new in life and you need to be an example to your children to be a lifelong learner.  You should always be looking to improve your "game" because your children will adopt that attitude too.  Learn a new skill.  Try a new activity.  Explore whatever is exotic. Not only will you be a good example of a well lived life for your children, your own life will improve and will make you a happier parent.

3. Give Back To The Community

By going out and helping in the community, you will give your child a deeper sense of responsibility for, and attachment to a home and place.  This is especially important if your are experiencing a time of upheaval in your family.  One of children's greatest fears during divorce is that they will loose their place in the world.  By making it a regular habit to get out in your community with your family and volunteer your time and talents your child will know they belong. 

4. Open Up To Your Kids

You should NEVER share the details of your divorce with your children, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't let your children know who you really are.  Children are looking to you give them the model of how to behave in society.  And they will learn not only when you show them how you have successfully navigated life, but they also learn if you open up and show them how you overcame those times when you fell short of societies expectations.  Do not hide who you are as a person to your children. Being strong means showing vulnerability.  I am not saying you should talk about your divorce in detail or use your children as your own emotional crutch.  But you can share your past experiences when it is appropriate: mistakes and victories. Take your children to work with you and let them see your daily life. Let them see how you interact with other adults and how you carry yourself. 

5. Maintain Self-Control

If you are involved in a legal battle, you will be stressed as never before.  Releasing your emotions, whatever they may be, is healthy and will reduce stress. However NEVER do that in front of your children.  If you allow yourself to loose your cool in front of your kids, it will damage them psychologically, will damage your relationship with them, and may very well damage your law suit.  Every healthy adult should have enough self-control to not regularly blow up in front of their children.  If you can't- then you need to seek out help such as a counselor or therapist. 

6. Right Relationships

We have many important relationships and not all of them are going to be pleasant. Maybe there are issues with your parents, stepparents, brothers, sisters, or ex-wife. Forgive and give grace. Seek to be right in your relationships over being right. Make it as hard as possible for anyone to say anything bad about you. Be an initiator and take always personal responsibility first.

7. Respect and Listening

If you want to teach your kids how to be confident, it starts with showing them respect for who they are and listening to their own unique thoughts. This is a tough aspect of leadership, but the best leaders listen carefully and talk far less. Open your mind and your ears to what your children are telling you. They will, in turn, learn to do the same later in life.

8. Positive Attitude

There is plenty of negativity to be found in society today. Do not add to the daily chorus your child experiences. Instead, display a positive and reassuring attitude and optimism. They need to be able to look at you and know that you are a believer and not a cynic.

9. Goal Setting
Setting goals is important to give us a benchmark of where we are going and the progress we are making. Implementing and achieving those goals are of equal importance. When our kids see us moving along exactly according to plan, it shows them the importance of organization and self-discipline in their daily life. Help them come up with their own set of goals and praise them when the goals are met.

10. Walk the Talk
The single most important aspect of being your children’s role model is to always say what you mean and mean what you say. Walk the talk. Back up your words with visible and concrete action and be a man of integrity and value. Actions speak volumes. “Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin

Top 7 Questions To Ask When Taking Care of Kids During a Divorce

If you are divorcing or are recently divorced, it is vital that you keep your children's best interest in mind.  It is often easy to loose your bearings as you are caught in a whirlwind of legal activity and emotional distress which all divorces bring.  This turmoil can make it hard to determine if you are doing all you can do to for your child.  So here are the top seven questions you should ask yourself to make sure you are still being the best parent you can be during a divorce.

1.  Are you being there for your child?  You will be drained and you will want to withdraw into yourself during a divorce, but your children need to know that you are still there for them and you will continue to provide emotional support during this time.  Divorce is stressful on everyone and your child needs to know that you are there to answer their questions and help them process their painful feelings.  You do not need to be instantly available 24/7, and everyone needs some mental downtime, but you must make it a point to generally be there when your children need some answers, or just some hugs.

2.  Are you giving your kids needed encouragement and approval?  Kids of all ages seek out the encouragement and approval of their parents.  It is vital to their self esteem to know that you think of them often and are proud of them.  Particularly at a time when they are submerged in self doubt over the divorce, you have to show them in both expressed and subtle ways that you think they are great.  Be generous with your praise.  Carry their pictures in your wallet and their drawings on your desk.  Constantly stoke their self-esteem by praising them.  Now more than ever, they need to be assured that they are worthy of being loved.

3.  Are you treating your kids like people?  Your kids are unique individuals with their own personalities, and perspectives.  You need to be sensitive to their experience of the divorce and how they can be different from yours.  

4.  Are you trying to have a positive relationship with the other parent?  Even though you feel you would be better off having less contact with your ex, or soon to be ex, spouse, this may not be what is best for your kids.  Research has shown that children make the best recovery from divorce when both parents are actively involved in the children's life and the interaction is conflict free.

5.   Are you modeling to your kids how to handle stress?   Divorce is an extremely stressful time.  If you demonstrate your ability to handle the stress of divorce without resorting to becoming violent, verbally abuse, or using drugs or alcohol, you kids will know that it is ok if you occasionally express anger and frustration.  Kids need to see you handle stress without losing control.  They then won't be fearful when you get angry.   

6.  Are you maintaining family and community ties?  Chances are you kids are experiencing the loss of a full-time parent.  They should be allowed to find the comfort of familiar surroundings and support such as scout leaders, church leaders, friends and neighbors.  You may feel like you want to get away and start a new life from your old, but your children need the familiar ties of their community especially at this time.

7.  Are you making every effort to peacefully resolve issues with your ex, or soon to be ex, spouse?  Your kids will be less fearful and stressed if they see you and the other parent working cooperatively.  If they observe examples of flexibility, consideration and cooperation, in resolving parenting issues, they will be less fearful that the aftermath of the divorce will be a never-ending battle of wills- with them in the middle.

Divorce is one of the most painfully stressful times in anyone's lives - and even the most well meaning of parents can fall into a spiral of emotion where they forget to keep their children's best interest at the front of their attention.  When you find yourself in an emotional tailspin from divorce, ask yourself these seven questions to keep your perspective - and your focus on being the best parent you can to your children.   

Psychological Evaluations in Texas Child Custody Cases

Occasionally, the Texas family law attorney will need to consider the use of psychological testing and assessment in child custody cases.

One of the first things a Texas family law attorney must do in reviewing a psychological test is to consider the credentials of the tester. Although many other persons may involve themselves in assessment type activity (counselors, therapists, gurus), by law the only people who can call what they do "psychological testing" are licensed psychologists and psychiatrists.

There are five primary sources of authority for psychological testing in Texas custody cases. these are:

(1) Ethical Principals of Psychologists and Code of Conduct;

(2) Standards for Educational and Psychological Testing;

(3) Specialty Guidelines for Forensic Psychologists;

(4) Guidelines for Child Custody Evaluations in Divorce Proceedings;

(5) Rights and Responsibilities of Test Takers: Guidelines and Expectations.

A Texas family law attorney should review the extent to which the psychologist followed these sources.

Recently there have been more and more criticisms of the use of psychological testing. Faced with increased use of Daubert challenges, the courts have begun to limit or even bar psychological testimony. Some judges even routinely deny any request for child custody evaluations being done in the first place. However, this Daubert age backlash to the former judicial practice of blindly following the recommendations of mental health professionals pushes the pendulum too far in the other direction. Psychological tests are still completely valid and useful in Texas custody evaluations as long as they are used contextually.

Staying Married for the Sake of The Children

If staying married for the sake of the children is the only thing keeping your marriage together, you should consider divorce. The children are affected by the bad feelings between you and your spouse. A “cold war” truce that produces a loveless household is no atmosphere to raise your children in.

However, there may be other reasons you want to continue to live together such as social and economic. Some couples live separate lives under the same roof and get a divorce only after all the children are out of the house.

If you have not already done so, you should seek professional help such as a marriage counselor. Sometimes people think they have done everything they can to save a marriage. But a professional may be able to point you to new solutions you have not thought of.

If you have truly tried every avenue to keep your relationship alive, and there really is no hope for a happy marriage, then you should confront this situation squarely and deal with it. Life is too short to be living in a joyless house. Divorce is not a pleasant process, but it is often a healing one. The divorce will be difficult for the children, but social studies have borne out the fact that most kids do adjust and wind up doing just fine.